Today In Greek Class

Stan Harstine - "Because it says God's only begotten son, people assume that it means Adam came down, had sex with Mary and baby Jesus was born. Because that was the belief back then right? They believed that gods came down and had sex with mortal women to make babies. Can I say that word in this class?"
Me - Babies?
Class - Hahaha!
(Five minuets later)
Cassie - Hahaha! I can't stop laughing! Babies!

Today in Greek Class

Lindsey A.: Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!
Everyone: Bless you, bless you, bless you, bless you...
Dr. Harstine: ... Well keep going. We don't want your brain to freeze or you head to explode.
Lindsey A.: That would be sick. Their would be like Greek everywhere.

Today in Psalms Class

Rabbi Nissim Wernick - I'll give three points on their final grade to whoever can tell me the prophets. Go!
Me - You mean the minor prophets?
Rabbi Nissim Wernick - Yes!
Me - Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, Malachi.
Rabbi Nissim Wernick - Wow. He did it! Okay! Three points to you! Look at me! I'm a Jew and I'm giving three points to a German!

Tonight during Tiffany Massey's Senior Dinner

Gideon: "GET YOUR TRAIN ON!"
Kim: Gideon. Will you please stop?
Gideon: But Boo-Bear... I love you.
Kim: I love you too, but...
Tiffany: I LOVE YOU TOO BUT WILL YOU SHUT UP!
Mrs. Massey: And stop banging your dominoes!
Tiffany: See! Mom has spoken!

Today at the Chi Alpha Thanksgiving Dinner

"Whenever I think of you Ty, I think of super, fancy, sophisticated desserts yet by far out of all the desserts that you have brought over the years, this one is my all time favorite and probably your most simplest dessert to date. Maybe it's because I LOVE mint and chocolate put together but out of ALL of your desserts, your chocolate chip cookies have outdone them all." - Cindy Walker

Today at the Rhatigan Student Center

Me - I wish I could go to the runway show but I have to work.
Melissa Chinn - I should go. I've never been to a runway show.
Me - I can see you sitting on the front row. Wearing big over sized Yoko Ono sunglasses. Cigarette hanging out of your mouth.
Melissa - Yeah! I'd be like, "Models... Pff... And these clothes are so last year. You models suck at walking. In fact, you just suck. I throw my cigarette at you."
Me - Yeah and you just throw it on the runway. Well Saturday I'm judging a high school debate...
Melissa - In Andover!? Me too! I'm one of the judges!
Me - What am I supposed to wear? A suit? Maybe a shirt and tie?
Melissa - Wear whatever you want. Wear pajamas. Now if you were in the debate, you would have to dress up. I was in debate in high school and we had to dress up.
Me - I can see you sitting there judging Saturday, with your big sunglasses on and a cigarette hanging out of your mouth...
Melissa - And I'll be like, "You suck at debate. I would throw my cigarette at you but you're not even worth my cigarette."

Faith & Learning Today

(Sidenote. In Faith & Learning or Chapel at Friends University, we usually have a guest speaker and before the speaker talks, we have a past or present student perform a song. Today, some kid inappropriately decided to promote a song off his new album. The song was called, "Sexy Lady".)

You know I liked that song he sang before I came up. "Sexy ladies..." That's a good song. You know 20 years ago I thought I was having a heart attack. They rushed me in and what they found was that I had dislocateded a rib and it was poking my heart. I ended up being fine. My doctor told me in my check up that if I lost a 100 lbs I'd live to be one-hundred. 100 for one-hundred right? I was like, "Nah... it wasn't worth it." Being 60 and fat, my wife told me that I can have girlfriends now. Can you believe it? She said, "Good luck"! I guess she doesn't think I can get one now. Any takers? Anyone? Anyone?
(One girl in the back raises her hand.)
You!? Really? Meet me afterwards. "Sexy ladies..."

- Steve Jacobs, scientist for Myth Busters