Tonight during Tiffany Massey's Senior Dinner

Gideon: "GET YOUR TRAIN ON!"
Kim: Gideon. Will you please stop?
Gideon: But Boo-Bear... I love you.
Kim: I love you too, but...
Tiffany: I LOVE YOU TOO BUT WILL YOU SHUT UP!
Mrs. Massey: And stop banging your dominoes!
Tiffany: See! Mom has spoken!

Today at the Chi Alpha Thanksgiving Dinner

"Whenever I think of you Ty, I think of super, fancy, sophisticated desserts yet by far out of all the desserts that you have brought over the years, this one is my all time favorite and probably your most simplest dessert to date. Maybe it's because I LOVE mint and chocolate put together but out of ALL of your desserts, your chocolate chip cookies have outdone them all." - Cindy Walker

Today at the Rhatigan Student Center

Me - I wish I could go to the runway show but I have to work.
Melissa Chinn - I should go. I've never been to a runway show.
Me - I can see you sitting on the front row. Wearing big over sized Yoko Ono sunglasses. Cigarette hanging out of your mouth.
Melissa - Yeah! I'd be like, "Models... Pff... And these clothes are so last year. You models suck at walking. In fact, you just suck. I throw my cigarette at you."
Me - Yeah and you just throw it on the runway. Well Saturday I'm judging a high school debate...
Melissa - In Andover!? Me too! I'm one of the judges!
Me - What am I supposed to wear? A suit? Maybe a shirt and tie?
Melissa - Wear whatever you want. Wear pajamas. Now if you were in the debate, you would have to dress up. I was in debate in high school and we had to dress up.
Me - I can see you sitting there judging Saturday, with your big sunglasses on and a cigarette hanging out of your mouth...
Melissa - And I'll be like, "You suck at debate. I would throw my cigarette at you but you're not even worth my cigarette."

Faith & Learning Today

(Sidenote. In Faith & Learning or Chapel at Friends University, we usually have a guest speaker and before the speaker talks, we have a past or present student perform a song. Today, some kid inappropriately decided to promote a song off his new album. The song was called, "Sexy Lady".)

You know I liked that song he sang before I came up. "Sexy ladies..." That's a good song. You know 20 years ago I thought I was having a heart attack. They rushed me in and what they found was that I had dislocateded a rib and it was poking my heart. I ended up being fine. My doctor told me in my check up that if I lost a 100 lbs I'd live to be one-hundred. 100 for one-hundred right? I was like, "Nah... it wasn't worth it." Being 60 and fat, my wife told me that I can have girlfriends now. Can you believe it? She said, "Good luck"! I guess she doesn't think I can get one now. Any takers? Anyone? Anyone?
(One girl in the back raises her hand.)
You!? Really? Meet me afterwards. "Sexy ladies..."

- Steve Jacobs, scientist for Myth Busters

Old Testament Class Today

Martina: So do you believe in "An Eye for an Eye?"
Professor Hill: What do you mean, "Believe"? I believe it's in the Bible.
Martina: I mean do you apply that?
Professor Hill: No. I believe in what Jesus said In Matthew 5...
Martina: But do you own a gun?
Professor Hill: What? Of course! I own severeal guns. This... this is Kansas! Everyone in the midwest owns a gun! I'm an American! It's my right to own a gun!

Greek Class Today

Dr. Harstine: What is the plural of man?
Class: MEN.
Dr. Harstine: What is the plural of woman?
Class: WOMEN.
Dr. Harstine: What is the plural of deer?
Half the class: ... DEER?
Other half of class: DEERS?
Dr. Harstine: What is the plural of moose?
One Third of the class: MOOSES?
One Third of the class: MEECE?
One Third of the class: MEESES?
Dr. What is the plural of mouse?
Class: MICE.
Dr. Harstine: Does any of this make sense?
Class: NO.

Old Testament Class Today

"So in the story of Jephthah the Lord had given Jephthah victory in battle and because of this, Jephthah promised the Lord that he would sacrifice the first thing that came out of his door when he came home as a burnt offering which happened to be his one and only daughter. Then in verse 35 he replies,

"When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, “Oh no, my daughter! You have brought me down and I am devastated. I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break.”"

And his daughter told him that what he promised the Lord was okay, but asked if he would allow her two months to wander in the hills with her friends so she could mourn her virginity for she would never be a mother. I don't exactly know what that experience would have been like. So her and her girl-friends just wandered around the country for two months crying I guess? I mean it's not like her girl-friends were like, "Well that's sad that you'll die in two months. Lets go shopping!" It wasn't like Sex In The City. Their was no Sex In The City happening in Judges chapter 11." - Professor Hill

Romans Class Today

Dr. Harstine: Any Rangers Fans?

Me: What's a Ranger?

Corey A: Seriously? Like Texas Rangers?

Me: You mean like Walker? Walker Texas Ranger?

Josephine H: Haha. Ty, that's awesome.

Greek Class Conversation Today

Dr. Harstine: Now after telling you all of that information your eyes have now glazed over. Some of you aren't even making eye contact with me. Haley...

(Haley checking her hair for split ends)
Haley A: What? Oh! I'm sorry! I'm an audio learner! I learn from listening! Not watching! I also have to be doing something while listening! It's how I learn!

Lindsey A: Is that why you text in class?

Whole class: Ooohhh!!!

Haley A: Shut up Lindsey!

After the after-party at the Ulrich Museum for the closing gala of the Tallgrass Film Festival

You know after-parties at art galleries with artsy people seem so cool in the movies but they're nothing like the after-parties in real life. In real life you wait in line forever for a drink and then you have to wait in another line for food and once you get to the end of the food line you find out they've run out of hors d'oeuvres. So not only are you drunk, but you have no food. - Megan Mendenhall